the end of year review

woot, reached home at almost 130 a.m., winner. worked overtime today till ard 1230 a.m., had to rush on some dumb patch cords with zhiming n yijian at the office. had supper after that at some 24hr coffeeshop before zhiming gave me a lift back (bike and all) on the pickup, phewz. hope i get the OT pay soon :X lol. pretty poor now bleah. wonder what’s happening to my hp man, messaged some friends during work just now and i didn’t even get a SINGLE reply. am i..
1) becoming friendless? aka /ignore mode
2) using a lousy phone with lousy reception?
hope ’tis choice 2 eh? laugh.

soon it’ll be morning again, and i’ll have to cycle in my usual stoned fashion to work. reminds me of poly days haha =) always rushing like mad to beat the 3 consecutive traffic lights on my way to school. fortunately, i only have two to get over now, so ’tis not that bad :p been lucky so far tho, haven’t gotten into any accidents yet lol. remember there was this one time when i nearly got knocked down by a bus during my poly sch days; was too dead sleepy/tired + blasting bon jovi on my discman while cycling.. laugh. but opps, suai mouth.

end of year account closing
a new year’s coming! ponder, this year’s been pretty eventful i guess. i’ve ..
1. finally ORD-ed *ORD LO!*
2. found my first job (albeit a pretty crappy job, lol)
3. gotten my first love (after nearly a year of trying and waiting)
4. maintained my circle of kakis for yet another year (many many more to go!)
5. watched three good frens get attached, i.e. nz, yf n ah long =)

nice, if you discount the fact that i’ve also..
1. lost my first love too. noneed to explain further, i think i’ve harped enough on this topic lol.
2. watched other four good frens through their breakups.. sharon, meng, nanzhen n qin.
3. endured nearly an entire year’s worth of office backstabbing in my NS before i escaped *finally*
4. gone thru several months’ worth of deep depression (which still persists now of course..)
5. lost even more faith in life than before, becoming even more disillusioned/cynical.

new year resolution(s)? here goes nothing..
1. save up, fatten my bank account!
2. stay single. save $, save energy, save mental stress, save hmm i dunno. save etc etc?
3. try out new stuff i haven’t done before hmmmm. endless possibilities.
4. exercise regularly. think i’ll develop a paunch soon if i don’t.. man i never thought that this’d happen to me -.- sadness.
5. improve even more in basketball (an ongoing/eternal goal.. haha.)
6. stay in close touch with my gang always! (actually this should be priority number 1.. lol)

hais, damn tired tho. guess i’ll be turning in soon, soon as i finish my list of to dos for today. clip nails (duh), checkout MOM legislation (talk abt this another nite), write testimonial for cin in frenster (too bored), write this dumb blog entry.. hmm. almost done. guess i’ll take my bath, cut my nails and concuss away =) good nite.. hmm i mean good morning. ahh whatever. just go sleep if you haven’t! :p

the new SSS, work and all

:p the good thing about my job’s that i get to roam around different places in singapore. beats dying inside an aircon office, lol. anyway. got a chance for a peek @ the newly built singapore sports school. (not sure about which S comes first.. but heck.) it’s spacious, damn damn bloody spacious. and 2 swimming pools w/ shelter? :O man. i envy the lucky buggers who’d be studying there man.. =) it’s really a nice place. do check it out when u’re in the woodlands area. guaranteed to make you hate your past schools for being so sucky, haha.

on another minor sidenote, i’ve begun to get addicted to another drink, another of those looks-like-mineral-water-but-tastes-odd brands :O it’s called dasani nutriwater, and is packaged in a blue bottle for those who bother to check it out. first got to drink it when i was working in tp.. bought the drink cus of the odd bottle shape. quite interesting flavor =)) try it!

played bball again after work, prob one of the last few times. alan n junlin’ll be busy with school again once the hols end, leaving me with less buddies for bball sighs. sians. guess i’ll have to go down changkat alone in future =

something *always* happens whenever i play too much bball within a few days; i tripped and banged up both my knees today. well, it felt pretty bad within the first five minutes, but after that the adrenaline sortof took over and i forgot all about the pain, least till i got home :X was playing pretty badly today anyway, lousier than sat/sun.

money money money
two more days to payday! i’m not anticipating a bonus at all, so less stress on me vs the more senior colleagues. they’ve worked their asses off only to dimly realise that there’s no bonus to be gotten.. hais. hope i don’t endup like that in future; but i do sortof aspire to get up to their level of project manager in the future, in order to prove my worth. a f**king dip holder doing menial work long term? no sir, not my aim at all. going thru the foundation’s necessary in every job, and mine’s certainly no exception. you have to know the tricks of the trade so that you can command others effectively after all; it’s bloody stupid when management doesn’t understand how the lower levels function, as i’ve observed/realised in recent years.

but with the pay coming.. and ERS.. and angpow.. drool. hope to fatten my bank account some =)) can look forward to my deuter bag, new leather shoes, new specs.. muahahaha.. happiness. well, maybe enjoyment doesn’t equate to happiness. i’ll never be totally happy ever again, but i can still enjoy real life treats like this =))

Basketball: Of why I like basketball

*boing boing*
sunday came, and disappeared with more than 2/3 of my day burnt on bball =) played at changkat cc (as was usual on a sunday morning, grinz) and went down to siglap cc to join chee keong + his frens for a second round.

imo, the morning session was much much much much more satisfying.. haha. the feeling from yesterday’s session hadn’t waned yet, and i had lots of fun running around as usual :X made quite alot of shots today, so shuang =))

seems that i’m really living for basketball nowadays, hiaks. i may not be good, but well i guess so long as i enjoy it, it’s more than enough =)

the flying pass coming from a teammate, and the first contact of the ball with your fingertips. grab the ball firmly, eyes forward to the rim, and you have less than a fraction of a second to decide what to do. look for an opening and pass? drive, or shoot? or simply fake first and see if your opponent is taken in?

the thrill of seeing your pass connect with a friend is amplified a thousand times when the ball goes in.
jump, and feel the flying sensation while you go for the basket with a layup.
square your shoulders, get the grip right. eye the back of the basket, jump. release. let the ball fly in an arc to the basket.. while the valiant defender tries to reject the shot. swish. the soft sound of the ball going thru the net.
pivot, twist and with a hook, the ball flies upwards, impossibly high, before arcing its way towards the basket in slow motion. the silent beauty of the moment before all else resumes in real time.
screenout. brute strength pitted against each other, as each vies for his own niche in the paint.
reach for the sky, in the suspension of no-time, while everyone struggles for the rebound. tip and tip again, until the victor emerges, triumphant with the ball.
run, as hard as you can. the ball is flying fast towards you, and with two quick steps, another basket is made in the blink of an eye.
step left, fake right. catch the defender off balance, and run free, ready for more.

so many options, so many possibilities in the game. i guess that’s why i still love playing bball that much =) no one’ll care who you are and why you’re here; your presence alone proclaims your interest for the game. no matter how sad i am, how down i feel, the ball and the rim never fails to make me forget everything, for the moment at least.

work and ball

phew, longest saturday i’ve worked so far. had to stay behind till 5 pm to learn and start making patch cords (aka lan cables). kinda fun imo, at least i can use ’em at home in future after making :X one small step towards my own network at home.. lol. much much more technical skill than measuring cables all day long, or punching connections for lan points, or hammering nails into the damned walls for casing haha :X

went down to changkat for bball just now; fun! it’s really been long since i can play a single match without staying inside the paint constantly, and i got to exercise my off the ball running to the max, lol. had alot of fun defending too, tho not much scoring was done =)) not that i mind. i guess i’m more suited to being a forward than a undersized center, laugh.

tired though. my eye’ve been feeling really dry the entire day, despite the fact that i’ve been wearing specs all day long. hoho.. may my payday come soon! dying le =(

a post xmas post

wow, nearly 2 a.m. overslept in the evening just now, literally plonked onto the beddie after dinner and concussed my way until 11 p.m. -.- not a very productive way to spend my leisure time eh? guess i’ll try to sleep before 2:30 a.m.. got work tomorrow after all, even if it’s just a half day at TP. not sure what crap i’ll have to clear tomorrow afternoon though; guess i should be going home at around 4+ p.m. shrug, it’s not like i have anything better to do.. haha =) nolifer.

sorry for the lack of updates recently, for the faithful few who bother enough to come and visit this pitiful excuse of a blog =) like what i mentioned on my last entry, i haven’t been feeling up to blogging, and so simply decided to kick back and relax.

christmas: eve and actual
didn’t accomplish much on both days =) managed to catch the return of the king on xmas eve, and hibernated my way thru xmas day like a dead corpse :X like some people in my group, the usual festive cheer seemed to be missing this year; wonder where it escaped to.

in my personal viewpt, christmas has become but another mundane holiday, just a day of rest to me. the significance of christmas has somehow lost its special touch in my mind, laugh. guess this is what happens when one becomes too delusioned in life and simply finds no meaning in everything else; every single day is but a countdown to the next day, to the short and mindless escapism of sleep for awhile.. before the next day arrives and the entire cycle resets. in the long view, it’s like a timer to my expiry date. morbid, ain’t it? ugh. like what meng remarked when the rest were playing with the sparklers and laughing away outside tm.. “merry christmas; what’s so merry about christmas?” same thoughts here, bro.. same thoughts.

return of the king: a belated review
this ending chapter to the LOTR trilogy was still quite climatic, despite the fact that i’ve already read the book before =) some less essential parts were cut out to make the movie a more digestible whole i guess, but i kinda wonder how nice it would’ve been to see grima wormtongue kill saruman in the end :X the wild men and the red arrow were cut out also, with pippin doing a mountaineering expedition to light the signal fire instead. the importance of aragorn’s healing skills using atheleas to eowyn and merry were also downplayed, hais. it wasn’t mentioned how faramir got to be together with eowyn either. like i said, details not crucial to the plot were mostly left out. and of course overembellished love story betw aragorn and arwen climaxes and concludes here.. lol.

the superhero stunts by legolas aka orlando bloom.. yes go ahead n swoon ladies.. sigh in pleasure at his invulnerability and staggering good looks -.- man. what he performed during the battle @ gondor, especially the one where he singlehandedly took down an elephant (oppps.. oliphaunt) is really kinda unbelieveable, lol.

i was pretty tired and still dozed off at some quiet parts; but more or less managed to keep my eyes open thru most of the movie..:X the movie finally ended at around 4:30 a.m.. geez. was really irritated by some bloody farker who insisted on revealing what’s gonna happen next, and providing filler info thru out the movie.. felt like strangling the slob. it’s his mouth of course, and if he’d been whispering to his girl then it’s his own damned business i guess, but it’s realli kinda distracting and hard to concentrate on the movie when u keep hearing a prick giving a running commentary thru out. !@#@$@# idiot. the idea of stuffing my leg up his mouth did cross my mind several times tho..:X just kiddin’.

after i met cin on monday, the swirls of uncertainty in my mind intensified once again. i realised again howmuch i’d been missing her all the while, and it felt good to be able to hold her once again; but on the other hand.. i knew in my own heart that she wasn’t really for me. even if i managed to get back together with her again, i was quite sure that within a few months we’d be apart once more.

i love her still as much as i did before, maybe even more now. but during the past months, i’d come to realise.. and finally understand that love doesn’t mean that you have to possess the other. maybe my feelings for her have evolved. i’d tot alot on this, and i concluded that i couldn’t.. and wouldn’t be able to fit into her life entirely. she was like a free spirit, untamed and flying. being with me would only weigh her down, and shackle her. which was precisely why i didn’t ask her to give us a second try at being together again; i couldn’t bear to hear a no, and it would pain me even more if i heard a yes. i’d rather bite my lips and hold back in agony, than to face the decisions that my words would bring. cowardice? perhaps. but.. perhaps it’s all for the better that i remain single for now; at least until i feel that my redemption is done, and i do not feel as weighed down by guilt. everyone deserves a shot @ happiness of course, but no one should deserve one such as me. i hunger for love, but reject love.. what an irony.

sometimes the urge to volunteer simply comes over me, when things that are pretty undesirable need to be done. the inevitable question comes, “why me?” but of course, “why NOT me? i have nothing to lose.” i feel like i’ve been chained to an immense burden that i must carry ceaselessly, bowed down under the load, and crawl my way forward.. and continue to do so until i feel that i’ve finally done enough to cleanse my guilt. madness, madness.. i wonder how many friends’ll be surprised when they read my blog.. laugh. if not for the constant release of thoughts through my constant writing, i think i’ll really go mad with bottling up my thoughts. who’d understand the real me after all? indeed, who would bother? the unseen psyche, constantly writhing, tormented, agonized.. and most of all alone. sighs.

enough of this.

an unexpected ktv session

the term ‘nonstop rants’ is actually becoming a falsity as of now; i’m feeling the urge to blog less and less frequently. fatigue after work’s a major factor, lol.

anyway, i had a ktv session after work today with cin. bit surprising at the turn of events, but anyway it happened. it was quite relaxing for me, but i’ll decline to quote more details of what happened here. sent her home as i usually did in the past, but i didn’t do anything stupid of course. felt the urge several times, but i managed to hold myself in check.. sigh, suddenly feeling depressed again. shrug, time to head for the bed anyway, it’s getting late. goodnight.

brrrr, shak

just back home.. finally. -.- went out drinking w/ yf, xq, sharon n huiying @ music underground; then eating at geylang. add the fact that i didn’t sleep a single wink the previous night (yf n sharon came over to talk..) and i was working today as well.. geez. my eyeballs are literally dropping off right now. quite fun though =) and i got basketball later in the morning.. grrrr 5 hours later! better get some z’s.