bleah

lol, just realised i tagged the maddox page wrongly; you’ll prob be wondering why the f**k the url’s invalid if u did try clicking last night..:X anyway, ’tis fixed =)

added another useful page which i think is quite a necessary aid to organising your schedule; that webpage allows printing of calendars by the month, week or whatever. happy using!

*scratch head* think i really overdid it with last night’s entry, lol. now i’m feeling high and dry, running out of inspiration as usual.. greaaaaat -.-

minor note: yeah ms karin, i’m writing ur letter now.. lol. i haven’t forgotten!

well, maybe the usual rule applies here; if you got nothing nice to say, just shuddup? guess i’ll stop here den =)

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enjoying work, n others

*miscellaneous mutters*
:p back for an update of my life, haha. just realised that some things are never going to get done if i keep procrastinating, and this blog happens to be one of those on my ‘yeah-i’ll-get-to-it-someday-but-i’m-not-in-the-mood-to-do-it’ list.

iam tendem
Current high-rankers feature earthshaking to-dos such as..
a. finish up my story
b. put my story up on my geocities web
c. design a template for the story
d. make a printable version of the story and print/bind a hardcopy of it.
e. stop thinking about the entire issue (hopefully)

*note that if task a is never accomplished, all the rest will never come to pass =) by procrastinating one task, i can actually stop four others.. kewl! think i will get down to abit of writing later though; i do plan to finish it before christmas in 2004 :X sounds like a long way off eh? grinz. the power of having a faraway deadline.. procrastination sets in *once again*.

i have only like three more months of events to cover. hmm shouldn’t be a problem, even if i write like half a chapter per month. regurgitation’s not that tough after all, and there’s no editor behind my back screaming for neatness in my work =) long live messy writings! i made a desperate attempt at organising the chapters at the beginning, but in the end simply gave up and let everything flow.. lol. don’t be surprised if the chapter lengths vary! those people i send my drafts to on a regular basis can read my updates from time to time; the rest of you’ll have to scream at me sometime to get a chance to puke from the story =)

working tots
i think there’re few people in the world who don’t complain about their work; nothing in life’s perfect after all =) basically, i like my work. i’m not getting enough sleep though; think concussing at 1a.m. isn’t good enough yet =(

the daily weather currently seems quite determined to keep me splattered with rain and mud on my way to/fro work on a frequent basis; i curse and swear occasionally.. but i guess i should be thankful that i’m not trapped at my office with a heavy-duty downpour instead =)

it’s quite a carefree life, and hands-on technical labour’s less taxing on the brain; no progress tests to check on your learning as well. however, there’s an unseen benchmark system at work of course. screw up at work, and my colleagues’ll have to step in to cover my stuff; repair my mistakes, correct me, and delaying everyone in general. add to the fact that there’re no actual lesson plans in work (no mentor spoonfeeding you knowledge for a change, how’s that?) ‘cus alot of stuff are observe, learn, and ask questions when in doubt. well, i guess i’m still a bloody turtle while doing my stuff, really feel like i suck sometimes man =) wiring a rj45 connector (i.e. the hole you plug your lan cable into) may seem like a simple task, but with it comes alot of thou-shalts and thou-shalt-nots that i wasn’t aware of, oops. screwedup on that and wasted alot of time atoning for my sins today.

my current colleagues are pretty easygoing people also; most of them are either a few years older than me OR are ah peks in their late 50s. silence may reign during work, but some of the crap they exchange during work really brings tears to the eyes while i silently try to control my laughter, trying hard to concentrate on the work at hand.

one favourite topic borders on ‘original’ and ‘oem’ stuff (i.e. super unbranded vs recognized brands) which can be virtually applied to everything we see, like the ‘oem’ pringles (aka potato chips, for the spastic..) from a gift hamper in the office. i know it’s a queer sort of thing to laugh at, and you’d prob be scratching your head wondering what the f**k i’m talking about.. but you’d understand if you were in my company, lol. having fun at work makes the time go easier =)

ponder ponder
nothing much on the mental these days; i seem to able to distance myself from those thoughts better now. i no longer sink into an endless cycle of those self-directed insults, blames, what-ifs, and accusations that once plagued me day and night. of course, that doesn’t mean the entire crap’s packed up and gone. the insistent conclusion that i’m a worthless idiot and should rightly remain single still remains; the rational part of me tends to agree with that one wholeheartedly =) no sense making myself and other people miserable, should just save the trouble and just keep those unneeded feelings inside my head, locked away.

movies!
ahh.. i’m only gonna watch lotr:rotk on christmas eve.. man it feels like forever =( *insert long wait while everyone around me goes “woah that movie rocks!” + overpowering urge to stab overexultant friends who’re watching it soon*

on the other hand.. infernal affairs 3’s already out! so here i lie, waiting for monday to come so that i can watch a $6.50 movie. most prob i’ll be watching it alone i guess, can’t get anyone to watch it with me yet lol. too repulsive i guess =)
and man, the comic’s coming out soon too. hope i can get it soon, seems that there’s free movie posters included with the comic *drool* damn nice. dunno if it’s a scam though; they’re definitely not making a profit if they include five posters along with the comic.. either that or a hugely marked-up price tag.

spiderman 2’s trailer’s out! another one of those must-watch for me.. grinz. huge spidey fan here. check it out here

webbed stuff
just added maddox’s page (aka the best page in the universe) to my list of links; do check it out! =) full of amusing crap i enjoy; stan and i couldn’t stop laughing over it last night haha.

another sad sidenote; rainia’s stopped updating her blog for the time being, she’s headed down to oz for a holiday. man, less one thing to take my mind off life’s suckiness =( i’ll still keep the link down there for now though. ah well, there’s still morit’s blog i guess haha =)

wonder if i should update the banner on this blog, lol. my eye’s healed anyway. maybe a new graphic when i’ve new inspiration.. hmmmmmmmm. i really wonder sometimes how many people actually read my blog.. eh those of you who can be bothered, leave your name on the tagboard OR the comment page in this entry leh. i feel like taking a count! :X

okie, enough for tonight. quite disgusting to go on and on and on.. i feel like i’ve written a ton of rubbish -.- save the rest for another night, lol.

an unexpected hiccup

happeningz
trapped in tp as usual today =) no day no night working in the networking lab; lunchtime seems like a window out to salvation now grinz. took a few minutes during lunch and skipped out to a nearby comic shop (getting my usual fixation of hk comics.. *ahhh..*)

*hiccup*
there was a light drizzle on the way home today, so i just put on the windbreaker/cap and more or less ignored the weather. i’d barely cycled past safra when my stupid phone rang. irritated, i slowed down and checked who the f**k had the good timing of calling whilst yours truly was busy on a bike in the midst of enduring irritating rain and avoiding silly puddles. turned out it was cin; she wanted to pass me some cheesecake she’d made on sunday. so i had to balance my phone in one hand, try to listen with one ear and cycle single-handed in a distracted manner (while trying to avoid head-on collisions with vehicles) and go on to meet her near my place.

she hadn’t changed much since i’d last seen her in september; shorter hair, shoulder-length now (she hadn’t dyed her hair and the black was growing out of the roots again) i noticed a different bag, new earrings. maybe new clothes, new shoes, but i couldn’t remember, and couldn’t be bothered.

accompanied her to the bus stop till her bus came, and talked abit. her talk and manner sounded as sweet as it had been during the first time when i met her last year. oddly enough, i didn’t feel entranced this time round, but found myself feeling absolutely *nothing*. does numbness count? i could literally throw her words back to her this time round. “i have to admit, when i met you, feelings were actually gone in the bgr sense…i was glad to c u, yes, but nothing more….”

i’ll be the first to admit i still missed her greatly all this while, but everything seemed to vanish when i saw her. no twinges of sadness, yearning like the last time i saw her in orchard. there wasn’t any urge to hold her, or to shed a tear. if there were any, at least it’s bloody muted to the level of a whisper in a howling hurricane. i found myself running out of topics while we talked; didn’t know what to say. mainly her fyp, and renewal.. nothing much else. there were alot of questions i could’ve asked, but i guess i just didn’t want to know the answers to them either. after a few minutes.. i became so bored, i mentally started wishing for her bus to come faster.

soon the bus came, and i just said goodbye. turning back and cycling off, i didn’t bother to look back anymore, just heading home. the purpose of the meeting? no bets on it; but it’s just a hiccup in my daily routine i guess =) have i really managed to ‘zang xin’ after all? i doubt this signifies that i’ve completely gotten over her though. time’ll tell i guess. hmm, wonder if she reads my blog, but the possibility’s like 1 out of 10,000,000,000? heck with it, so what if she reads all these? think she’d be even more relieved at the revelation.

tried the cheesecake, and it wasn’t half bad anyway.. meaning it’s edible, tastes like what cheesecake should be.. and i haven’t had diarrhoea from it yet. doubt i can tell good cheesecake from a bad one though, food idiot as always =) told her my opinion of the cake thru sms, and got “Oh? Hee.. Glad it’s okie.. Enjoy ur nite!”

nocturnalized
went to arcade w/ yf, and talk talk session with sharon also after her work at tampines central. plans are in the making, and mayyyyyyybe.. we going clubbing on saturday? sharon’s really feeling the urge to de-stress nowadays.. lol. guess work’s sapping too much of her energy, needs somewhere to relieve tension. shrug. like i said.. most likely going, but nothing’s for certain isn’t it? xiao hui also asked me about it last week; maybe i can combine both groups together lol.

walking back home w/ sharon just now, i also mentioned the hiccup to her. she held the same point of view as me (as always..) = nothing important, just ignore it. always good to have someone who agrees with you at this sort of time, lol.

enjoying bball, n etc

actionz
went bball today finally! 😀 haha.. after an entire week of rest. happiness. but man.. but really overdid it. lack of sleep already, den we played til a total score of 51 for full court.. :X was so fatigued, my legs were cramping with every jump lol.

went to lunch with jianhao after that; felt quite uncomfortable ‘cus he stayed behind to accompany me while meihui (his girl.. one of our sec schmates) went home first, but oh well. today’s quite a good day to talk with him; chatted quite a lot =)) what an odd thing.. he brought up the same issue that yf did the other day. yet another one.. man. heckz.

concussed the rest of the day away.. was really quite beat. considered going to central to stroll around.. but nah! too tired :X gotta work tomorrow after all, should rest.. haha. what an excuse. my legs were cramping even in my sleep.. haben had that in quite awhile since secondary school swimming training days. do i miss swim team.. =))

work happening, and others

happeningz
work as usual in the morning @ tp; cable cable cable all day long. i’m beginning to feel like i’ve been really promoted from s/cpl chua to mr chua; combat signaller to civillian cable guy lol. was tasked to format a dumb compaq pc in the noon.. luckily the damn cd-rom drive didn’t work :X combine that with an autoclicking + a quirky-moving-at-speed-of-light mouse, and i managed to push the work to next week at least 😀 got home at around 3+ pm, happy!

miscellaneous
saw kenny online before i went out of the house, and managed to hear about more details of the past from him. hmm.. suffice it to say that.. shrug. it doesn’t really change the way i feel about things, but it gives me a clearer picture of how stupid i am =)

t34c: the gathering (bite-sized..)
went for my poly class gathering in the evening; so few of us came! only zl, linda, sunny, lay eng, xiao hui and me. got a lift from xiao hui to plaza singapura, and we ended up eating at pastamania, followed by a ktv session at paradiz centre’s kbox until 130am. had fun there =)) been quite some time since i’ve gone for ktv haha. sang lotsa songs, including my usual pirated bee gees demo, ukulele, and any other lapsup songs i could see.. but i think i over-hogged the mike as usual.. oops. throat was kinda hoarse at the end of it, and my pitch dropped significantly. battery ‘ta’ liao lol.

xiao hui drove lay eng back to her home (and the patiently waiting bf below her block) before we went back to tampines; her place’s pretty close to mine. i was hungry though, so we ended up sitting at a nearby coffeeshop while i plowed my way (or tried to..) thru a bowl of mee :X the good thing of late night (or early morning) supper sessions is that it gives you alot of time to talk about stuff you’d usually never talk about with the other party.. like just now. we talked about quite alot of stuff, and stayed there till almost 330 before we went home.
’tis been quite a fun night =))

and i’m wayyyyy tired now… got basketball tomorrow finally! after a week of rest.. bwahahaha.. look out world, here comes the return of the accident-prone addict! :X hope i can play as per usual.. haha. good night!

the two towers, shutterbug mode and thoughts

the two towers: rerun!
managed to rush down to plaza singapura gv to catch the extended rerun of the two towers.. alone. yeah, a few friends have already commented on how desperate i am; but well it’s my business =) man, i was late for the show cus i was out of cash, and kinda realised it only when i was on the mrt. concluded that i’d have to go to the ps atm for $ = late for show 200% guaranteed. the advertisements for the show turned out to be super long though; i was beginning to wonder if i’d entered the wrong cinema when the show finally began.

was in the doze-off mode in the beginning part when aragorn, legolas and gimli were tracking merry+pippin+orc kidnappers down; was too tired out i think -.- kinda wokeup after that part was over, and managed to stay awake for the remainder of the show. boy.. the show ended at 11:35 pm. nearly four hours.. my legs were cramped from being stuffed into the movie seat for so long. managed to take reach home after midnight on the mrt, so i saved on the taxi fare phew. could’ve gone to nz’s place directly, too bad there’s work tomorrow.

watching the show really feels like the book coming to life at some points; the excellent shooting done on the scenery, buildings (looked bloody authentic) and the characters (as in both costumes AND actors) really rates five stars =) the battle at helm’s deep was also quite a bloody climax, but not as moving as the matrix revolutions’ last stand in zion was.

however.. the plot seems slightly altered here and there. the love between aragorn and arwen evenstar seems over-embellished, and gimli seems to be an object of humor during most of the battles. short legs, couldn’t catch up with aragorn+legolas. short, can’t see the orcs massed outside helm’s deep. squashed by three corpses, can’t participate in battle. short, wears an overlong chainmail coat. geez, can’t stand it sometimes. his gruff comments does make one smile though =)

shutterbug
stan was busy trying to take night shots of the clouds last night, and i gave some pointers. the resulting shots came out all right i guess.. so long as u keep the magnification at 10% :X higher iso tends to increase the graininess far too much, i’ve discovered. i’m still learning too i guess, in my quest for the perfect night shot =)

tots
not much thoughts tonight; just thought i’ll crap a little here. talked on the phone for abit with another friend till 2am.. geez am i tired today. felt kinda blur thru out the entire day, guess that’s why i dozed off during the movie lol.

anyway, back to topic. during the chat, she was talking about her belief now that nothing in life is really permanent; i kinda agreed. just like some crap saying i read somewhere, it goes “the only constant in life is change.” nothing will really last an entire person’s lifetime, truly.
– you grow up, make friends, lose them, make new ones, the cycle continues. social circle widens/contracts over time.
– get into relationships, get out of them, repeat X times until disillusionment or marriage, having kids, having grandkids, (and spoil them rotten before you hand them back to your kids).. if you don’t file for divorce at some point.
– there’s also the get into school, graduate, get a job, quit, get another job, retire, die. the typical singaporean cycle. or you could strike lottery and retire young i suppose, lol.

all sorts of crap’s appearing on this entry.. man.
anyway, there’s no ‘moral of the story’ to this point; i’m just crapping like i said earlier.

but personally, the only thing that’ll remain through out my life are my friends of course. they might not be always be there for me, but i know they’ll be around most of the time. n yeah, i know; i left family out. i just tend towards leaving them out of my usual thought patterns, can’t be bothered.

buttttt. (another but.) the main topic last night was about relationships as usual. having a concept that nothing lasts forever isn’t the best way to heal yourself from the past i guess; you’ll start counting down to the breakup before you even know it. caution sets in, you can’t seem to give your entire self to the other person.. and that really sucks imo. oh well.

being confined, happenings

confinement
think i can look forward to spendin’ de rest of my days in tp, haha. man.. gonna be staring at cables and the damn labs for a looongggg time.. today’s just a preview of the future =( good time to get familiarised with what to do and what NOT to do though. practice practice..

happeningz
’tis been a pretty prosaic day for me; but a mix of good and bad news from the people around me.
the friend i mentioned in yesterday’s entry’s all bright n chirpy again, her guy met her last night and talked things out i heard =) things are back to normal! all’s well tt ends well.

got the traditional exclamation mark sms from a good friend though; it’s a habit among a few of us to send indicators. i sent out my exclamation mark a few months back, but i didn’t expect to get his. he seems alright though, so i guess.. at least he’s rational, a good sign. sighs, stil pretty sad that it happened for him though. haven’t heard the details from him yet, maybe next time when we meet.

another buddy did badly for his exams, real bad this time round. was kinda shocked to hear the news, but.. what can i say. hais, no sense talking about the “u should’ve done this! did that!” shit, hope everything turns out all right for him. besides, i was at work when i heard, so no chance of going over to be there for him too.

feels like a hurricane and i’m in the eye. changes in their lives and i’m just looking on. glad i’m allowed the privilege of sharing them though.