big question mark.
Wow, I didn’t even know she was currently in a relationship until about half an hour ago. What a surprise, haha. I suppose I shouldn’t even be surprised, since she’s the sort that most guys would like after all. Sweet manners, good looks, charming way of talking, just the sort that’ll melt most unknowing guys’ hearts like mine did a year ago 😉 It’s just too bad I don’t even have a heart to speak of right now, but that’s sort of beside the point.
What surprised me was that everything was kept low key, hehe. Having a boyfriend’s that shameful? Of course. it’s her own privacy of course, shrugs. But it really makes me wonder how many people actually knew that I was together with her once, apart from mutual friends like Erwin, Sharon, Yuzhong, Long. Just her usual style I suppose.. keep everything as low scope as possible, so that if disasters occur, preventive measures won’t be that drastic? heh. Thinking too much here bleah.
Like what a friend of mine told me (or rather, several good friends actually).. “She’s not worth it.”
I think right now, I’m really inclined to agree. All that’s left is of course, the quintessential “Why?”
It’ll prob take several lifetimes for me to understand what actually goes on in her head, all the manipulation that goes on concurrently between all the poor sods that try so hard to chase after her. Perhaps that’s what she meant when she said that she hurt too many people, and the guilt factor and such. Putting on a false front to everyone, trying hard never to reveal her true self. Who’d understand what goes on behind all the smiles and laughter? Maybe it’s all just a neverending quest for her to find a perfect one, while keeping everyone else in hold haha.
I guess my rehab’s finally complete now 😉
a. It took me from September last year until February this year to empty all the residual pain. Five months, more or less.
b. Miraculously, I spent the last few days in a more or less euphoric mood, really enjoyed them 😉 Like I mentioned earlier on, I could live my life without anymore of the raging turmoil, woohoo. Bliss ;))
c. I’m spending the last half an hour or so in.. understanding. Vague understanding, but still.. understanding nonetheless. An understanding that I’ll never understand Cin, what a contradictory statement 😉 And that I’d never, ever, ever even try to get back with her, no matter what. So there.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that I hate her of course; I could never do that, not in this lifetime at least. I’ll still hold a soft spot for her no matter what, but now.. I think I’m beginning to feel pity for her. She’ll always be part of my memories, that at least once before, I tried so hard to change circumstances in my life, and got it, after a fashion. If it wasn’t pity for me on her part, haha. Makes me wonder if I can consider that period as a real relationship, ponder. I can guarantee that she was serious.. for the first week at least. After that it got abit amorphous. Well, I think at least that was the only time I was ever so serious about anything 😉 seriously. Battery’s sorta empty now liao tho’ ;p
Well, after this final revelation.. I think I should really finish my tale up sometime, before I get into an fatal accident somewhere and leave it untold. Too good a story not to finish up after all, nothing’s ever as gripping a yarn as reality 😉 ‘Iam tendem’ is really quite a fitting title after all, but maybe I should just translate it back to ‘In the end’ before I print everything out.
Conclusion: I still want my books back! *mutters* It’s been months. Think I’d better get it back soon before she tries to fly off to Japan after graduation to work, geez.
And yeah.. for those who’re wondering if I hold anything back about my thoughts in my blog with regards to censorship or whatever.. here’s my answer. I don’t. So long as it’s my own affairs of course.
You think I care about whoever I know that reads this? I don’t. So, whoever that knows me and doesn’t like what I just wrote.. you have a few alternatives of course.
a. Fuck off and don’t read it then. Go watch porn, it’d be infinitely more rewarding 😉 Nobody ever argues with porn.
b.Call me and tell me that I’m wrong. But of course, do you think I’d care about your fucking opinion? 😉 You’re entitled to yours and I’m entitled to mine.
c.Leave your flaming comments here if you can’t contact me for some weird reason. I guarantee that I’ll reply to whatever harebrained stuff you may leave within 24hrs, and it’ll still be ‘kindly fuck off’ if it annoys me 😉
Quite a happening day after all, don’t you think? Hiaks.
Rot on 😉
talked with yanxin mei last night online though, and some stuff she said made me think. in her perspective, a couple would try to go through everything together if they were committed to each other enough, regardless of the financial circumstances e.g. herself and her bf. yours truly thought about it awhile, and i realised it was pretty true ;p duh. thanks for the thought tho mei 😉 åŠ æ²¹ to your next job, and your planned ROM + wedding in 2006!
but imo, i reckon that if you like someone enough, you shouldn’t let her suffer along with you in poverty, and should try hard to push yourself to better financial status. so if you aren’t earning at least 2k gross a month, a long term relationship should be a no-no. please kindly take note again.. in my own fucking (shit-you-if-you-disagree) opinion yes? 😉
the orrrrrrrrdinary levels are out?
turned out stan’s gotten pretty crappy results for his o’s 😉 an l1r4 of 18’s not really a fantastic score imo, but it should enough to scrape an entry into poly, and hopefully sign on for the navy as he wants to. premium plan, here he comes? hmm.
gerald (my bozo of a cousin who’s the same age as stan) got 19 for his l1r4, hahaha. what a joke.. the bugger’s an only child, an AC kid (woah.. AC kid man. mai siao siaos..), gets tons of tuition, and is the collective apple of my grandmother+his parents’ eyes. big apple there yes? i love it when shit happens, esp on this one 😉 all the years when his father calls over to compare results with stan, and haha! his score is barely on a par with stan’s 😉 cannot make it man.. simply cannot make it hahaha. man.. i think i’m goin’ sadistic over this :X like i was saying to stan just now.. “å·®å•Š!”
enough of this ;p lucky for me i don’t have any more exams, else i’d be failing every single one for sure, in retribution for cackling with glee over others’ misery :X shhh.