sad.

condition of my grandpop seems to be worsening. was working at pacific internet peacefully when i suddenly noticed missed calls and multiple unread smses, oops.

turned out that stan was telling me grandad’s condition was quite critical, and they weren’t sure how long he could hang on. oh well. i told my colleagues, called my manager and left within 5mins. luckily the bus came quickly (there’s only one bus out of sci park..) and i recognized the surroundings enough to alight when i was near buona vista mrt.

got there as fast as i could. going inside the icu with stan, grandpop looked positively bad. the last time i saw him was at his place, and i was having a casual chat with him while he smoked as usual. now bedridden, with a respirator needed to help him breathe and needles poking into him all over, eyes lifelessly staring ahead. he didn’t seem to hear me when i talked to him, but stan and i merely held his cold hands and tried to talk about whatever i could think of. call me a bastard if you want, but i was really tempted to power off the fucking respirator just now; i just couldn’t see the point of extending his torment since there wasn’t any cure for his condition.

heard from mum that the stitches from his first op burst apart when he returned home, and the waste matter from his digestive system had mixed with his bloodstream. prognosis? definitely a goner imfo.. just a matter of time.

waited outside until 9+pm, talking with gerald (the younger cousin), noelle (my elder cousin who’d just gotten married last year) before i got too sian and just asked for leave to return home, amidst the steady stream of relatives who were slowly but surely coming. most of the people were quite teary just now, esp uncle david, gerald and noelle. gerald was even saying that he shouldn’t have gone for the first op to remove the tumor at all; at least he could’ve lived out a few more months in peace. man. but top awards go to me for being quite expressionless + lacking in reaction, and my old man for being in a jovial mood even, smiling while talking with the rest. man, i think he’s bonkers.

sidenotes.
wonder what’s happened to yiting tho; her blog’s suddenly replaced by a depressing page of self-reproach. she didn’t really sound that good last night when we talked online, but i didn’t expect something like this. shrug, talk to her when i see her again online i guess.

just talked to sunny (poly bball buddy) via icq; he was complaining oz didn’t have roti prata when i mentioned that i’d just eaten some ;p ooooops. some things you just can’t have elsewhere.. hiaks. owen’s organising a poly gathering tomorrow night, too bad sunny and zaoliang’s not gonna be ard, sigh. study in australia goooddd… if i had the dough.

kena indirect feedback from my colleague (who was given the necessary info by my dear manager edmund lol) that i was showing a lack of respect for edmund, and should seek to improve my manners. bah, manners? no money no talk.. at most sack me before probation ends lo ;p simply cannot be bothered. i don’t respect guys who talk illogical crap. we should seek to give and take right? lol, give and take la.. why make a fuss outta my manners? 😉

still gotta go out for work tomorrow; sian. zz time soon.

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