received an sms from stan in the evening, telling me to rush down as it seemed grandpop was in pain again. dropped my work, got my colleague to wrap up everything and drive off, when i received stan’s next sms: he’d already passed away. didn’t expect that my last glimpse of him alive would be yesterday evening, heh.

arrived at sgh and walked into the ward, where grandpa still remained for awhile more, but the curtains were already drawn up.

he looked like he was merely asleep.. the tautness of pain gone from his features. eyes barely opened, head slightly tilted to the right. an empty husk of a human being, now that life had finally left. it seemed quite unreal that he was really gone for good. i didn’t want to touch him at first, not wanting to accept the fact that he won’t open his eyes and wake up if i did so.

cousin noelle was quietly sobbing, slowly but ceaselessly stroking his motionless hand gently. uncle david.. in tears, but hardly making any noise.

i was telling myself repeatedly that i wouldn’t shed tears openly there, and to control myself. stroking his limp hand through the blanket gently, i took a deep breath.. and left the room with stan. gerald was sitting outside the corridor alone, knees drawn up to himself.. crying. walking over, i squatted ruffled his hair softly. ‘don’t cry liao la..’ using the back of my hand to wipe away his tears. ‘come, let’s go.’ i helped him up, and motioned for stan to go rejoin the others with gerald, before i walked back to the ward.
i didn’t want to break down and lose control infront of stan.

walking back to rejoin noelle and uncle david inside, i stood beside noelle this time, giving noelle’s other hand a squeeze. she was still murmuring softly and sobbing, in disbelief that he’d really left. grandma came in helped by old man, and became abit teary also. everyone stood there in silence, watching grandpop’s motionless form.

however, soon it was time to leave.
old man asked her not to look too much, and what grandma said struck me to the core.
‘don’t look now no more chance to look liao.’ she uttered in teochew.
my eyes instantly filled, and i looked away. wiping away the tears before they fell, i walked out to rejoin gerald and stan outside.

went along with uncle david and noelle for the death cert registration at a nearby neighbourhood police post just now, still unreal.

standing in my grandparents’ bedroom, i could still feel his presence in the place. it seemed like he’d merely gone out and would be back soon. my eyes then fell on the table nearby, where alot of us had placed photographs under the heavy glass piece years ago. among the multitude was a black n white photo of grandpa. wanting it as a keepsake, i stuffed it into my wallet for remembrance. i did get grandma’s permission before i took it of course..:X

i’ll be at the wake from tomorrow until he’s cremated on sunday, so no more blogging/whatever other leisurely crap i do for the next few days.

not gonna sleep tonite liao lo!

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