about tolerance.

Wish I could shovel food down like Garfield, it’ll save alotta time.

There’s this phrase in Chinese which goes 百忍成金, i.e. it’s actually beneficial to one’s character when you can tolerate diverse hardships.

One of my friends should be the posterboy for this phrase, I kid you not. I’ve told myself many times, “blessed am I to be single..” whenever I see shit happening around him. Not that I’m mocking him or saying his life is shitty, but well.. it could definitely use a little fine-tuning.

(I was a little hesitant about writing all of these out initially, since there’s no telling if they’ll read about it. But hecks, it’s my blog and I’ll write whatever I want to, be damned if I’ll go into censorship. It’ll be out of character for me if I become so concerned about others anyway, I’m supposed to be a couldn’t-care-less prick.)

.. not like my life is going all that well, pot calling the kettle black 🙂 Did I mention that I’m gonna be spending like close to a thousand bucks on driving this month alone? Financial woes, tsk tsk. Anyway, back on track.

It’s not the first time, but shit always seems to happen whenever I’m out with him. What kinda shit? Well, the upset-girlfriend kinda shit. Yeah.. now you get it. Girl gets upset over dunno WTF thingie, starts screaming ranting whatever, buddy turns moody and walks around aimlessly with handphone glued to ear, with occasional shakes of the head and exasperated looks interspersed in between. It should be familiar to most of us, common phenomenon after all shrugs.

It’s not my problem of course, but it feels rather shitty when I’m out with a friend and he’s doing nothing but staggering around like a zonked out zombie. What am I supposed to do in the meantime, walk off by myself? Would if I could, but it feels like I’m dragging one of those metal chain and ball thingies they tied to the prisoners’ legs in the past.

Then to end the quarrel, he admits that yes everything is his fault he’s sorry yada yada all the usual platitudes, even when it’s not his fault. Not my problem too, but I really go “whaddafugs?” and roll my eyes whenever I see him doing that. I’m beginning to suspect his girl’s an untreated depressive; maybe I should describe the symptoms to YT someday and let her diagnose it, heh. She’s the psychology student after all.

Absolutely depressing. Given half a choice, I’ll rather go home and sleep man; bloody waste of time whenever the moping around part starts.

Buddy’s having a real tight schedule nowadays though IMO. His time is split up between work, girl, family and church. Almost every single time I meet up with him, something shitty’ll happen. There’re times when I wonder if it’ll be better that he doesn’t meet up with us at all, at least there’ll be less volcanic eruptions. (Figuratively of course.)

On the other hand, I’ll be like losing a good friend of many years, and it’s rather cruel to make the choice for him and cut him out just like that.

Hecks, if he has time he’ll look me up, but taking the initiative’s definitely not up my alley this time round. Too afraid of the timebomb exploding, really.. really too afraid. For his sake mostly, and sometimes I’m tired of dragging my heels around.

BTW, the us mentioned earlier = the rest of the gang, but shrugs, not like I’ve been meeting up with them often anyway; my turn to go hermit. There’s times when I kinda miss the times, but oh well, too poor to go out for anything other than late night kopi. Sads. I’m great at whining eh?

well, highly within expectations.

Well, I didn’t manage to hit the expected target of 200 demerit points, but I think I did badly enough at the driving test this morning, lol.

For starters, yeah I failed ;p

Let’s see..

– 6 points for failing to slow down when approaching road hazards.
– 4 points for being too slow.
– 4 points for incorrect positioning at junction.
– 4 points for improper turning (inside bloody circuit, too nervous).
– 8 points for failing to look out for traffic (on my way back to the test center).
– 6 points for not using engine brake.

Anddd.. it’s a grand total of 32 points! Almost enough to flunk me twice over, lol. Based on my highly atrocious performance just now, I was more than qualified to get failed ;p The tester would’ve needed to be blind to pass me, haha.

Best thing of all? PDL expiring, Final Theory expiring, but no test date available. Let’s see if the instructor digs up another date for me, or else it’ll be fcuk it with driving for now, yawns 🙂

*Updated: fastest ever retest coming up, retaking again on Apr 7th WTF. 3 more lessons and it’s $180 again -.-

do you believe in miracles?

Well, I don’t.

But it’ll be definitely a bloody miracle if I manage to PASS my driving test tomorrow 🙂

Nothing short of a fcukin’ miracle will do, and absolutely nothing else.. seriously.

Feels like I’m throwing 180 bucks away to make myself feel bad, heh. Sounds stupid isn’t it?

sucks, sucks, sucks.

Everything just sucks these days.

This one’s not new, to people who know me; my freelance work payment has been draggin’ on for like months. Not kidding on this one, somehow I get the impression that everyone likes to stall on paying freelancers. I’ve stopped doing work these days, but I guess I’m gonna bug my contact person again soon on this, crap.

And there’s the one about me winning an auction for a pair of Air Jordan sneakers on eBay, but the fellow who’s supposed to be selling it either forgot to send it or lost it on mail, so I’m getting my money back soon. Thanks for making me wait six weeks man.

My other order of Live Strong wristbands also got lost in the mail, but the LAF people’re resending me the stuff again, so oh well I’ve lost my potential buyers I guess, since it’s gonna be like ten weeks late -.-

(I’m getting this suspicion that someone’s started a conspiracy at the post office and is doing his/her/its best to prevent me from getting overseas stuff, lol.)

Driving this morning sucks, as usual. Wonder how many points I’m gonna score on the actual day, lol, not to mention the dent it’s going to make on my pocket. Greeeaaaaaaaat, just great.

To top things off, my old Surfboard modem died while I was sleeping last night. Checked with Edwin, had to buy a new one from Starhub. Yet another hundred bucks gone, whee 🙂

Somehow the combined steady loss of money should be more than enough to drive me crazy and pull my hair out tuft by tuft screaming, but oddly enough, I’m still looking at things the right side up. (Although I shake my head whenever I look at the how finely balanced my debit/credit is.)

Time to cut out movies, going out with friends, shopping, eating out, and generally everything else that needs money and simply.. vegetate ;p Other than photography, basketball, swimming, suntanning.. and yeah, how can I forget? Rotting of course.

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Googled the term, and it turns out that the original quote was from the closing line of Act III of William Congreve’s The Mourning Bride, first produced in 1697, and actually went like this:

Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turn’d
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.

Not that it matters here 🙂 I was just plain bored and curious about the original form of the phrase.

Females, IMO are highly strung emotional creatures, especially during that time of the month. They can be talking sweetly one moment and be breathing fire and brimstone the next instant, feeling slighted on the slightest remark and raising hell on you over it.

Yessir, it’s shit city, and like most other guys you haven’t the slightest fcukin’ idea why you’re here in the first place at all; the most important thing’s to get out of it, regardless of the means used. Welcome to reality 🙂

The best solution? Sometimes I believe that there’s no solution at all, and that the best way to solve trouble is to avoid it entirely; I’ve learnt that a good way to do so would be to keep my bloody mouth shut most of the time. Talking only serves to feed the fire, brrr.

*raises hand* I’m among the abovementioned group of insensitive spastic guys BTW 🙂 Take note that it’s just a general admission of guilt, not that I’ve had any upclose and personal experiences recently, laugh. Not that I’m trying to be a understanding SNAG to the ladies anyway, definitely goes against my principles. I’ve really been caged up either at home or the office these days, definitely no girl trouble 🙂

As the days pass, it’s been observed that the old lady at home (i.e. my mother) has been subject to increasing bouts of memory loss and short reins on her temper. Goes off at the slightest issue, takes offence even when none were intended, rants and raves about our lack of concern blahblah. The only good thing’s that these minor storms blow over quickly.

To me however, the best bit comes when she vehemently denies having spoken of stuff that came out of her mouth like thirty seconds ago. Wa seh. I simply had to exchange incredulous glances with ah poook to make sure that I hadn’t been hallucinating and hearing things out of me imagination.

*shakes head* Poor me and poook. (Ah poook’s me brother, incase you don’t know.)

The two of us had a hushed council of war in my room in the evening before I came down to work. It was plain that she was getting increasingly paranoid, and both of us rolled our eyes at the thought of her reactions like five years down the road.

She wasn’t really wrong about the lack of concern though. The two of us had taken for granted that the family generally lacked cohesion, and went about our daily shit like near-total strangers. Parents didn’t question about our affairs, and we didn’t bother ourselves too much with theirs. There simply wasn’t warmth in the family, and a sense of belonging was definitely lacking. The home simply was a place to come back to when the end of the day drew to a close. Place to eat, shit, sleep, bath, rot, period.

I don’t think there was ever any love between them lor, more like tolerance to me.”

That was poook’s conclusion. I’d jokingly asked him then.

Sad to realise that you’re not really a product of love right?”

He shrugged it off nonchalantly.

It sorta surprised me, but he had the same wish I had too; to instill into our own future families the feeling of togetherness that was missing in the present one.

Well.. if we do get hitched in the future that is 🙂

I hadn’t credited him with that much maturity, but hey he’s almost eighteen this year, as good an age to recognise him as a young adult as any other.

Time passes, how frail humans become.

Time passes, and indeed surprising how quickly humans step into maturity too 🙂

late night note.

Well, I hadn’t planned to post another one so fast but one thing led to another and.. yeah anyway just read on.

Finished watching yet another episode of Gundam Seed Destiny; ready to turn in.

Remembered that I hadn’t withdrawn the money for my driving fees tomorrow, and mentally went “fcukshit.” Oh well, it was a stuffy night to be at home and I wasn’t into sleep mode yet anyways.

Cycled out to ATM and the nearest 7-11 for a drink. (Noooo.. nothing alcoholic.) Try-something-new mentality as usual, so I picked this nice lookin’ green bottle labelled Appletiser, which so happened to contain 100% pure apple juice (dunno got hao xiao anots..); talk about creative naming of products -.-

The other winner was a pack of icecream chocolate that came in twos; I’ve already forgotten the name other than the fact that it’s Cadbury chocolate.

The night breeze was so refreshing that I decided to sit down at a bench and chill for awhile, bike and all. Took a swig of the apple juice and admired the bottle for a minute while I took a bite out of the ice cream bar.

Hmm.. doesn’t taste too bad. Tastes like.. 100% pure apple juice?

Cost this much prob because it’s a bloody glass bottle and it’s.. a product of South Africa? A bloody glass bottle made in S.Africa mind you; imported product!

275ml; slightly more than a damn Yeo’s packet drink.

208 kilojoules of energy in this drink, fwah.. how come I don’t feel more energetic?

Times like this make me wish I’ve a laptop or something with me, when I kick back and enjoy the surroundings. Just so that I can record my thoughts in full, instead of drips and drops like what I do now in front of the comp.

Watching the occasional feeder bus rumble its way past, the pleasant quietness of the night thus interrupted. The frequent breeze bringing a welcome coolness. A few other cyclists pedalling their way off to the 7-11 too.

No one else but my thoughts for company 🙂

Yeah, I got bored as soon as I’d finished eating, and took a roundabout route home. Couldn’t resist the breeze, grins.

“driving sucks.”

These days, I seem to be saying that to everyone I talk with, brr.

For the record, I’ve never seen the need for a car in this squashed island state of ours. Rising overhead costs (despite dropping COE prices), the thrill of getting stuck in traffic jams, rising availability of taxis and the overall efficiency of Singaporean public transport really makes a car a sorta redundant affair IMO.

Unless of course.. you’re talking about late night makan sessions or the need to play chauffeur to either:
a) some female pals of yours who’re too smashed up after drinking to make it home,
b) the elderly in the family,
c) the whoever-it-is that needs your car for shopping trips.

However, somewhere along the line I decided that getting a Class 3 license would be good in the bigger picture. Note that decision was strongly encouraged by just about everyone else around me, who sortof kept mouthing “.. getting a license is better for your career!” and “.. a guy should always have a license!“, and continued to beat me over the head with those two lines until I got sick of the entire deal, rolled my eyes and gave in.

(I haven’t figured out exactly how it’ll be better for career tho’, and the part about guys getting licenses is simply a sexist excuse created by females who think that guys should do everything, gees.)

And since my stupid driving test is at the end of this month, my money’s really been flowing like water to the driving instructor’s pocket. The situation’s gotten so bad that I’d done nothing but mostly sit at home and cool my heels the entire last week, despite being on an extended break -.-

Fcukedup shit, driving sucks.