Time always seems to crawl in the months, but December is here yet again after all those days and weeks of drudgery. One of the best things that’s happened this year is the formation of a regular basketball group with weekly indoor sessions. We had our last indoor basketball session before Christmas, and it’s a quiet lull these couple of weeks while everyone goes on holiday.
So I finally got around to the court this afternoon to shoot some hoops, and man was I awful. I wasn’t exactly shooting airballs, but the ball just didn’t feel right. The shots would be short for the most part, or roll out. After about twenty minutes I finally figured the missing piece out: the damn follow-throw. My jumper became a bit smoother after I concentrated on flicking the release harder.
And as is the case on any casual court, people of varying ages, sizes and skill levels start appearing for a pickup game. The 4-on-4 game wasn’t exactly a blowout, but it was the next thing to that. I contributed a grand total of one basket to the score, and my role for the most part consisted of rebounding/setting picks/creating space within the court. And we still won comfortably.
So we are getting to the highlight of my day, which involved playing basketball on the same court with this arrogant dipshit Malaysian.
(Sidenote: no slurs intended, I’m just calling him a dipshit Malaysian because I don’t know his name, and he is a dipshit who speaks with a Malaysian accent. Perfect logic!)
I wasn’t assigned to defending him initially, but a couple of switches later I found myself on DipshitM’s back so whatever man. He seemed to think very highly of his game, and he was indeed pretty good with his set shots and turnaround low post bank shots against my teammates. But he seemed to find pleasure in posting up against me for some unfathomable reason; maybe I just look scrawny enough to be a real feast for DipshitM’s godlike prowess.
So there was this time when he found me guarding him, and he switched to post-up mode right away. So there he was standing at approximately the high post spot, turning his back on me and my usual style is to leave some distance for any funny tricks.
The next thing I knew, he was backing very hard with his elbows into thin air, staggering when he didn’t find physical contact (aka me). Suffice it to say that I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed with joy when I saw the elbows intended for my chest, but a game’s a game. You wanna get physical, we’ll do it your way. So I took contact the next time he tried bumping, start shoving and it ended up with him calling foul. Sure man, whatever rocks your boat. No foul outs on a pickup game, so we can go on like this forever if you want to.
And as it so happened, he had a teammate who was exactly of the same mould. Gets the ball, drives in (or should I say, takes big steps in) with his ball held right in front of him, flailing away with elbows before jumping straight up for the basket.
Given the following facts:
- he wasn’t jumping very high to begin with.
- his ball was within reachable distance of my leap.
- he was laying the ball straight up, right before my eyes.
- Stand there and watch him complete his magnificent layup of epic proportions, then applaud.
- Raise your hands and put up a token attempt at defending. It’s a pickup game, why so serious!
- Jump up, smash that ball and give that fellow a good old drubbing in the time-honoured Shaq rule of “no fcukin’ layups!”
What do you think I did?
I clobbered his shot of course. And this teammate being of the same style as DipshitM, screamed FOUL!!!! like it was bloody murder. There was one time when this fellow attempted a layup with me and my teammate both up in the air, and I smacked his shot (mainly ball, hand included). My teammate came down asking, “Did you touch him? I didn’t.” I merely chuckled. “Yeah. A big piece!” We would just shrug and laugh when he shouted for a foul, then get back to defending the same way. You want to bash your way into the paint with your fcukin’ elbows and go straight up for an easy shot, you gotta live with the consequences. No one’s gonna give you an easy shot, so STFU and take the contact like a man, finish the shot if you can.
It was a short but pretty enjoyable session, seeing as I had good teammates throughout the entire session. And I was wearing my glasses so I was being extremely cautious today, didn’t want to bust the bank for another pair right on the final days of 2010. Even with DipshitM, I was playing it pretty cool, just doing enough not to let him get what he wanted.
Remember kids: if you wanna be physical in a basketball game, man up and never whine like a bitch when someone starts shoving back, because you started it.